Saturday, February 27, 2010

"I can do it myself mommy"...

I keep hearing this phrase lately.. While there is pride there is also some saddness.. I love that Missy can do for herself but I know it means she needs me just a little less than yesterday..
My baby is well into her 6th year.. I can't even believe that as I type it..
This week she grew in my eyes..
She wants to entertain guests and cook food..sometimes its only playdoh but she really cooks!
Her choices at Disney were bigkid rollercoasters instead of the Fantasyland rides she adored in the past..

Her tooth is loose and she can't wait for it to fall out..

She can tie her own laces and accessorize.."Yes, mommy I want the ones that light up and sparkle!"

It's amazing to watch her make her way..

Look out world!

Proud mama,

Establishing balance...

True to my Libra nature, I am very sensitive to the forces in my life..I like to keep myself in balance because when I am not I feel it both physically and mentally.. I don't sleep well, I eat food that makes me feel horrible, my emotions vascilate between extremes.. I miss that rythm of life which for me feels comfortable..
I have been battling the negative forces, thoughts and emotions that were weighing me down since last year.. Stress is the main culprit and an old friend.. As always, I tried to ignore it but this year the generalized anxiety in the air was more than even I could ignore..It was a thick blanket which somehow didn't keep me warm.. As much as I could feel the difference in myself, I wasn't able to avoid it. So for a few weeks, I felt like an Eeoyre. Everything was too much.. I just didn't want to do anything more than the minimum..
As I looked as my life, I knew that it was not anything specific to me.. Sure there are things to worry about and I can do that with the best of them but it was more about this build up of saddness in the lives of people whom I care about.. The helplessness was frustrating..
The scales tipped too far and I finally decided that I wouldn't continue to feed that negativity any longer.. It took a few days of mental battle with myself but I believe in the power of choice. I can choose to stay in that funk or I can get back on track.. I can put that same energy into a better and more positive attitude... My attitude wasn't horrible but I knew I wasn't at my best, I wasn't enjoying my blessings..
SO for those of you, especially my hubby and my pumpkin, who had to put up with me..thanks for bearing with me while I marinated in those feelings.. Now I can come out like the sun after a rainy day.. My internal spring cleaning has begun..
I am ready to embrace life's ups and downs for each has their place..

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Love is...

a home cooked meal!
Instead of the boring dinner out for Valentine's day, Martin and I opted to spend our money on seafood.. My hubby is known for his love of seafood.. As a matter of fact, I think he may still be banned from the Bally's crableg buffet..

Anyhow.. we saw a Paella throw down on Food Network and decided we had to give that recipe a shot.. Well sort of.. Like most of my cooking I have to modify it for his palate..He doesn't ike chunks of tomatoes, lemon aioli, and some other random ingredients..

We gathered all the neccessary ingredients and I read at least 15 different versions of paella recipes.. We had so much fresh seafood that we decided we needed some seafood stew too..

You'd think we were hosting a dinner for 30 people instead of just us and mom.. Well The seafood stew is in a stock pot that is usually used for tamales and I ended up with not one but 3 casserole dishes worth of paella..

The results were amazing..
We didnt eat until almost 8pm, so we were starving and salivating for at least the last 2 hrs..

The wait was woeth is. As a matter of fact, here is Martin as I asked him how good the dinner was.. Yup that smile says it all.. GOOD!
Happy Valentine's Honey!
Love ya!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Great Zot!

I took a stroll down memory lane last night. I attended an Alumni event, a Chicano Latino Alumni event to be specific. I hadn't been to UCI since Arthur's graduation in 2005..
I can't believe how fast time has flown. I was shocked to be wearing a class of 97 badge..Me, really?.. I graduated that many years ago?
It was so good to see and hear the professors talk about how much has changed, how there is a whole department for CL studies and sadly how much has not changed.. Latinos are still a small percentage of the student body and amid the budget cuts higher ed is taking a beating..
I am such a nerd that I wish I could be a professional student and in so many ways I wish I had known what I was really doing in school. I was so lucky to be the first to go to college and yet at the same time I was also a deer in headlights. I was so worried about making the grades that I really did not make time for the social. I didnt get the college experience. As a result, I truly did not make any lasting friendships during those years. It's not that I didn't meet people, I met some awesome people. Even now certain songs remind me of my college days, classes, and certain friends..The memories are bittersweet. I am saddened that I didn't keep in touch..These were the days before email and the internet as we know it now..
College for me was an amazing opportunity to learn so much and grow into my own skin.. It truly was a moment in time when I was absorbing so much.. Even then I was a geek, I was facinated by research, I was in awe of professors.. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be living on a University campus, to be learning. Unfortunately, the school was large and could be faceless.. On the rare occasion when I did have small classes I reveled in actually talking to a professor and the tidbits of insight into classmates.. So many people from all over and from different families and socioeconomic groups was also a huge factor in how foreign the expereince was. Hindsight is 20/20.. I wish I had kept up with those friendships. I wish I could remember all the names of the Class of 95 SAEP (Summer academic enrichment program). I rememer, Jen Cole, Rachel, Eddie, some of the professors, Cesar, James and Victor.. I remember how little we slept and how much we tried to learn in that 5 weeks.. I wish I could reconnect with some of my awesome dormmates, like Crazy Olga, Wendy L, Laura C. and Jesse G.. My roomie Virgie (everytime I see a Love is comic I think of her.. or if I hear Mana, I am instantly in our room).. I especially miss my couseling course peers (Amanda, Astrid, Tracy, Erica, etc) whom all shared and experienced some amazing times in Dr. Loxley's class. Lessons in psychology which to this day help me cope with people who frustrate me and remind myself that my choices are mine..
It was good to be at the school again.. It was amazing to share it with Arthur. It's another thing we have in common, UCI..
Zot Zot!